Being a single mom can be hard. Often times the thoughts can become self-imposed as to the “Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda”. How do you let go of the shame? Learn to accept things as they are and begin the healing process. Continue Reading…
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“Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda”
“I wish I woulda never let my guard down and trusted him.”
“I shoulda had an abortion and maybe my life wouldn’t be so hard as it is now.”
“I coulda walked away before I put myself in this situation now I’m left to raise a baby all alone.”
Thoughts like those can NOT benefit you in no way shape or form. You have to learn to accept what is and begin the healing process not just for you but for your little one.
You have to view your truth and OWN that shit!
When I was pregnant, I would hate going out in public or even to my birth education classes because I knew I would be faced with the fact that I was about to become a single mom.
It seems like when you’re single you notice more couples and when you’re coupled up you become a vulture to the people around you who are single. Funny how life works right?
Right, you have to accept that EVERYTHING that you planned for your life may not always turn out the way you organized it. Doesn’t mean you can’t achieve what you want in life just because you made a decision that has changed your life. Walk with your head held high and fight back those negative thoughts that come in your mind causing you to question your decisions in life.
“I wish I was married then maybe things wouldn’t be so hard”
Having someone to alternate getting up early mornings or late nights to help care for your little one can be helpful. The value that we put on marriage can be self-inflicted. Believing that just because someone is married that they “have it good” or that they are happy because that’s not always the case. Husbands who travel for work and moms who are left to hold things down at home often forget that they experience what it is like being a single mom.
The self-imposed shame
You would be surprised at how shame can have a powerful impact on your life.
- You’re ashamed you got pregnant before marriage.
- You’re ashamed at being a young mom and now you’re pregnant and worried about what people may think of you.
- You’re ashamed that you’re a single mom and all your friends are married.
There are so many reasons as to why a mom could be ashamed of her situation. The intense discomfort, feeling stupid, foolish and unworthiness and the desire to run and hide from the world.
How to overcome the shame?
- You must first take a stand to those thoughts in your mind that have a veil over your eyes. Look around you, it may not be the best situation but acknowledge how far you have come?
- Acknowledge those feelings and begin to face those questions when someone asks and OWN that shit!
“Hell yeah I am a single mother and I am a damn good mother! My child(ren) may or may not have the other parent involved but they HAVE ME!”
- Lastly, go back into the world and know that you are worth happiness. Know that you’re loved by your little one so fight the good fight. Know that a man is out there willing to love you and your child the way deserved to be loved. Check out Single Mom Talk| Dating.
first before anything, start healing. You deserve it. Forgive yourself. Forgive the one who has wronged you and get back to the woman you was before you allow shame to impact your life.
until tomorrow, as always, be happy. Be Kind. Stand in your truth