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Feeling like a failure can hit you as a single mother, but how do you overcome the thoughts to be able to push forward to the life you know you and your little one deserves?
Being a single mom is not praised as much as it should be, instead it is looked down upon. Being a single mom can be hard, yes, but a woman was born capable. Being a single mom has its rewards. Parenting does not come with an instruction guide so having to figure things out yourself can be tough especially as a first-time mom like myself. We have to find a way to get through it somehow. I have honestly never heard anyone say “raising a child is easy” because, in reality, it isn’t.
The long nights, the crying in the bathroom so that your little one won’t feel the hurt that hold you so tightly. The uncertainty of not knowing where your next meal is coming from because all the money went to the bills, your child’s father not involved, your little one screaming to the top of their lungs, not having much help from family, not being able to sleep because your little one is sick. So many scenarios that I could recall, but being a single mother comes with sacrifices. Being a great mother is accepting those sacrifices for the one you love.
The form of a struggle does not discriminate. What about the struggles of being a single mom?
Single mothers struggle daily when trying to care for their offspring. We are human! We make mistakes as well. Little Timmy went to Daycare without any socks on today, or momma sent Nicole out the house in pajamas. It happens, things happen, life happens. Looking like a tired and exhausted mom is definitely not cute but it’s the reality of being a mother. How do you overcome those daily struggles?
How to overcome the feeling of failure as a single mom
Accepting that you’re a single mother can be the initial start of overcoming the feeling
First off you must acknowledge that you’re a single mom. It’s hard to accept that your little one is solely your responsibility but what makes it better is that you get to experience all the new things your little one learns to do. The cooing, the first time laughing, the first time smiling, their first words, I mean the list goes on, but acknowledging that you’re about to bear witness to greatness helps you with accepting that you’re a single mother. You’re not perfect. Try not to focus on the freedom your child’s father has. It’s so easy to get drawn into those thoughts. Instead acknowledging how happy your child is with you could instantly feel that void.
Take notice to what’s going on around you when you begin to feel like a failure
Had a disagreement with your child’s father? Not where you want to be in life? Not financially stable? Not able to provide something your little one wants? The feeling of lack of support whatever the case may be. Pay attention to when those thoughts come into your mind of feeling like a failure. This could be a key factor in finding out the problem and overcoming it.
Write it down and burn it
You know I often find it therapeutic to write down all my negative thoughts that are crowded in my head on paper and then burn it. One of the greatest quotes for me of all times is “We are our own worst enemy”. You can think negative for so long that it’s hard for you to see the positive in any situation. That is why writing down your negative thoughts and burning them can put you on the right track to overall better mental health. When you burn the paper, you will find that those thoughts no longer challenge you. They are no longer a burden to your mental health, and then you just forget about it. I found myself thinking back three or four months down the road and being totally amazed at how fast I overcame those particular thoughts.
No matter your circumstances, you’re not a failure. You’re human and you make mistakes but with those mistakes comes lessons and it doesn’t matter how long it may take for you to learn that particular lesson as long as you learn it.
I know things may not be the best for you and you’re always able to find reasons for things to be better but take a step back. Look at the bigger picture here. You may not be able to offer your child a two-parent household with the other biological parent but there is definitely someone out there willing to fill that spot when you’re ready to open it up.
No, things may not be the best at home, but at least you have a home. Get your mind out of the water and stop drowning yourself in your own thoughts and self-hate. Your little one needs you at your best and this hurdle will not hold you back.
Things will get better and I’m honestly not just saying that. When I was trying to break ties with my child’s father, I felt like the pain would never end, the tears would never stop falling and that the storm would never pass but it did. As heartbreaking as that situation was, I can say I am much better, much stronger, and definitely much wiser.
Let go of the failed attempts. Let go of not feeling like your not a good mother because you’re a damn good mother. No one can fill your shoes and nothing can take your place within your child’s life or heart.
You got this and you always have had it.
Watch Who You Call Friend
You don’t need people around you who constantly talking down to you, so if you have friends or family that does that. Cut their ass off immediately and take back control over your life and mind. The challenge is only a mental one but what you have been through in the past has prepared you for this hurdle so jump over it and know you’re an outstanding mother
Until tomorrow, as always, be kind. Be happy. Be Encouraged.